um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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