Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
