I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
