just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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