I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
