There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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