if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize