she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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