I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
