no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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