he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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