I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
