dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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