I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
