how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
