Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
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