I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
