he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
