he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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