Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
She's the barista slut.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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