awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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