I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
