Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
