Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
