that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
