I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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