I feel great
I just peed on a car
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
