Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize