he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
