just tell him i said nine months
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
