We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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