my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
