All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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