She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
