Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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