I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
