i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
