TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Pooping to opera.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
