I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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