You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
So much rum. So many feels.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
