1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Randomize