I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
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