The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
