god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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