Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Randomize
