feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
