dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
