apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
