Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
