He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
