i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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