please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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