Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
