Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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