I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
