dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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