I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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