You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
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