You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
bring money and cleavage
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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