I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
