what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
