super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
