Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
