So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
