Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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