Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
