WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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