Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
not ubering you a puppy
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
