dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
