we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
