Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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