you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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