chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
