I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Randomize
