the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
