Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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