I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
