She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
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