An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Randomize
