Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
